the baby is now asleep ...finally...and it's only 1030 in the morning. my mind is racing with all the things I SHOULD be doing with this precious hour, possibly only 30 minutes . Things I SHOULD do: finish laundry and put away, prep for supper tonight, get my work out in..it's been a week and I haven't had the time/energy to get one yet,shower (lol), get dressed...still in my PJs from the night before , not last night-the night before that-i know -ewwww! Vacuum -my floors are disgusting...blows my mind how messy a house can get in a week , reassemble Nehemiah's Exersaucer- tried to convert it to an activity table, but I don't think he's actually ready for that yet, so now it's just in pieces all over my living room floor, tidy up the nursery -which we actually have not really set up yet-something to do this weekend. All of these things and more, racing through my mind, all quite trivial really, but when you are emotionally wasted, exhausted, malnourished, and wearing the same clothes from over 36 hours ago ... your a little mentally unstable. What do I really want to do ? Take a candlelight bath with a glass of wine (I don't give a damn that it's 1030 am) and pretend to be a princess,and eat my delicious chocolates my hubby got me from Les Gourmands.
I'll tell you a secret,When I was younger and would sometimes get depressed or overwhelmed, I would sometimes pretend to be Victoria Beckham, I know totally random, so hear me out, lol I am not obsessed with her, or anything creepy, I wouldn't even put her in my top 5 fave celebrities, But I remembered David Beckham signed a $250 million dollar soccer deal in 07, so sometimes, I would just pretend that I was rich and fabulous, I had $250 million dollars in the bank! I would sit and do my makeup and hair to perfection, pick out my best outfit and shoes, and walk out the door full of confidence cause I owned the world. I kind of want to do that again .... I mean, Victoria has 4 kids and you always see her with them hanging off of her, so I could do the same thing with Nehemiah, only problem is I don't have nannies to watch and entertain baby while I take two hours getting ready to go out and do nothing.
I feel better now though,and I haven't even done anything , lol , my heart and mind have stopped racing and the knot in my stomach is gone. Sometimes I think you just need a little bit of distraction from your current reality to give you hope to get through it, which is the main reason why I love fashion, (and I do think Victoria is a fashion icon of this generation -she symbolizes overt glamor and she's a mom) in the misery and muck of the whole world going to hell in a hand basket, me and Jesus can sit and ohh and ahh over the Chanel, Valentino, and Tom Ford in Vogue. You find your own beauty out of the ugly, in whatever cheers you up.
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